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Thursday, July 16, 2015

"I don't need you anymore, mommy"

Yesterday was a big day for K and I.  I worked extremely hard to be able to breastfeed K when he was first born (see another new post entitled "A Nipple What?").  He is now great at nursing AND at eating the entire content of our fridge.  He's a bottomless pit. Up to yesterday, he was still nursing three times a day: first thing in the morning, afternoon as a snack and right before bed.  That is what I planned on doing until mid August.  Then, my plan was to start introducing afternoon snack, so that when I returned to work, no pumping and no bottles would necessary.

Well, yesterday afternoon, he decided he didn't want to nurse.  I was heart broken and felt rejected.  I was warned by my mother-in-law that weaning  is "very traumatic for the mom." I believe it!  I teared up and then realized that he would have to start drinking cow's milk, as breast milk twice a day wasn't enough.  So my lovely husband and K went off to the store to get homo milk.  Based on other mom's experiences, I was expecting for this process to be long and difficult.  I was expecting K to refuse the milk, and that we would have mom-baby arguments about drinking the not-so-sweet type of milk.  The thought of him giving me a hard time about this actually made me feel good.  It made me feel like he still needed me and preferred my milk.

WELL, my kid chugged the cow's milk right up.  All 4oz of it.  So there I am, watching him down it and I find myself crying AND cheering for him at the same time.  I'm so proud of him for being such an easy-going baby with new foods, milk, changes in his routine, etc.  But, he doesn't seem like a baby so much anymore.  He's a big boy, who drinks cow's milk and who doesn't need mommy to pump or even BE there in order to eat anymore.

Is this what motherhood feels like?  So much pride AND heart break at the same time?


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