The Final Quarter

In my profession a year is divided and referred to in quaters, month 9-12 being referred to as the "final quarter". So when my son turned 9 months a wave of sadness came crashing over me. I was in the final quarter of my precious mat leave. The thought of that is simply unbearable to me.

Yes, I know that we are so lucky to have a year off in Canada. Yes, I also know that I'm lucky to have a wonderful job to return to but in my heart, I want to be a stay at home mom more than anything. Unfortunately, it's not financially possible for our family. So I have to make the best of it. 

My son is almost 10 months old and as my return to work date creeps up so does my anxiety level. I find myself lying awake at night worrying about it.(what if he takes his first steps on my first day back to work?)  One of my main worries right now is that lil E is still nursing so much during the day, what if I can't wean him in time?  Our breastfeeding journey ( despite the frequent nip lash and biting..ouch!) doesn't feel done to me and he is showing no signs of being ready to wean. We are still struggling with one bottle per day. 

I am beyond thankful and relieved that my Mom is retiring in June and will be lil E's full time care provider. I just couldn't imagine leaving him anywhere else. It helps in reducing my anxiety levels immensely! But nevertheless, I'm still hoping to win the lottery over the next couple of months so that my dream job of being a full time mommy can come true. 

XoXo -C